Damn I need some cut-up

Note: This was supposed to be a vignette, but I got a little carried away.

James was a good friend, we complimented each other nicely. I was quiet and insecure; he was arrogantly wreckless. He showed me how to stick up for myself; I was quick to rationalize with him when he wanted to pounce on someone, or pull a purce snatch. We had each others backs in different ways. He got kicked out of his house, I was on the streets; so with that in common we quickly bonded and began to roam like a pair of stray dogs, kickin up dust everywhere.

I had no where to hide, the block was hot. I had enemies, plus the cops had me on the list. I was being spared, and it was a matter of time before all the bullshit caught up with me. Fuck it James lets bail outta here, I said one summer afternoon, while we were sitting in the creek nursing a bottle of Tequila. Where do you want to go? He asked, Is it because of Rob? I was ashamed to admit it. Dude you're such a fuckin pussy! Just fight that fool. Don't you hate him? What reason do I have to hate him? I asked. Umm he fucked your girl, and said he was going to shoot your ass. He laughed and put the bottle to his lips, swigged. You made me get involved for you, and look what happened to that piece of shit! James passed the bottle. True, James did get involved for me, and He fought Rob in the creek while I waited at the store, across the street. Rob came back with scratches on his neck and a black eye. He had a new found respect for James, while his disgust for me enraged; disgust at my weakness. It was true; I was weak, my insecurities rendered me incapable of defending myslef. Instictively I had become numb to most emotion as a defense mechanism, I felt nothing but fear; the more I ran, the more monstrous it became, I could never turn and face it, never. Straight liquor, and marijuana offered my only temporary escape. I saw the way James held his head high after he tangled with Rob, and wanted to be able to do the same.

A few days later I got ahold of Rob and told him I was not scared of him anymore. He laughed in the face of my mustered courage, Meet me at Doyle in fifteen, he said, I'll show you what's up.

Sitting at the park waiting for rob, I smoked a cigarette with James. We saw him walking up with his cousin Jim. Both were swaggering and walking like they hada whole stable of hoes or something, trying to be pimps. I was not fooled, I thought maybe he might try to schank me or something, but it was too late now.

What's up Ro-- I began to say as he walked up and punched me square in the mouth. I hi the ground, Rob began to stomp and kick me. I felt a sharp pain in my neck, my eyes were closed, a bright yellow flash lit up inside my head; I think it was the spark my teeth made when they knocked against each other because I had a burnt taste in my mouth. I yelled in pain, OKAY!

That' right bitch, said Rob, he let me get up off the ground. Now take your ass back to Kenwood, or whever the fuck you're from. If I see you in Rosa bitch, I'm gonna kill your ass. He shoved me back to the ground hard, Understand me mothafucka? Yeah, I said nursing my swollen cheek. Now get the fuck outta here before I change my mind! Said Rob between his teeth.

The problem was I could not go back to Kenwood either, K.P.8332G, which I was responsible for starting, jumped me and my brother in Mike and Jeff's back yard; I was sitting with my brother and Mike when the rest of my folks came out and had a field day on me and my brother. What the fuck are you doing? Stop! Was what Mike said as he tried to break it up. I took off and left my brother there; I will never forgive myself for that. Mike was tru blu, but now he is gone just like 'Pac; so I am left with the rest of these assholes. I am not mad though; even Judas the betrayer was true in the end.
I could not go back to Kenwood and take all their shit. My old friends would find me and talk shit and try to fight me, I would always back down, and those pussies were scared to make the first move, I hated to be insulted by the fucks who betrayed me. Now, I was left with next to nothing, it all fit into the official KP8332G military green back pac I wore on my back, inside was some clothes, and a knife that I stole from my firend Sean, and my Walk Man and my tapes; my saving grace.

We could take off down south, I said to James on the bus. To where? He asked. I dunno, Mexico; we could stop in Ventura and holler at my cousin too for a minute, I said half jokingly. You want to go to Mexico Fool? How? Sneak over the border? asked James. Fuck it, I said. Yeah, fuck it, lets do it! Said James. So it was. How we gonna get there? James asked out of curiosity. I don't know, you down to hitch hike? Sure, he said. We got off the bus at Safeway in Rincon Valley, our plan was to hitch hike to Kenwood, then down south from there the following day. Once inside Safeway we beelined to the beer, where James grabbed a 40 oz. of Mickeys and slid it in his pocket. We drank it in the dry creek bed shaded by big Oaks behind the store, while we smoked Camel Wides. I told him what happened when Rob kicked me in the neck, or whever. I'm proud of you, even though you got your ass beat, James said; he hated to see his friend act like such a softee. Hey thanks, surprisingly I feel better about the whole thing, I replied. You always do, said James and he threw the empty bottle against a jagged rock; it popped and shattered into a million pieces, Let's go get another one, he said. We finished the second 40 at twilight, the tip off my cigarette glowed a flashing red in dark, we got up to leave as the town lit up.

Highway twelve had just opened to four lanes, divided in half by a big island where new trees and shrubs were planted. It was dark when we got there; James quicky crossed to the east bound side, I saw his black raiders jersey fade into the night as he dashed all four lanes at once in a drunken stumble. We stood there on the east bound side with our thumbs out in typical hitch hiker fashion, no one picked us up. What should we do now? asked James as we stood in the dark under the clear starry nite. I don't know dude, should we go back to town? I want to see Ashley. Let's do it, yelled James over the roar of a passing car. Yeah, it's late, how about we leave tomorrow? I asked. So after a half-hour or so we left.

We had to cross back to the westbound side, so we could use the payphone to call my girl. When the lanes were clear James booked across the lanes. We were standing just under the crest of a hill, so it was hard to see a car coming over the hill. James made it across by blind luck. Without even thinking about it I booked across the four lanes. The first two I cleared fine. I hit the island like a like a shot, and stumbled and fell before I caught myself. I did not even look to see if a car was coming, I remember James standing there on the side of the road watching me. It was too late, I looked to my right and saw some headlights coming over the hill, they were on me too. For some reason I remember it was a dark blue Saturn sedan; the tires squeeked for a split second I looked down and saw the fender right next to my leg, instictively I ran the same way as the car, instead of right in front of it. The car ran into me.

The next thing I remember I was laying on my back in the middle of the highway; the official KP8332G back-pac helped to break my fall, and probably saved me from grave injuries...well that and the fact that I was . I got up shaken, everything was really dark, and my vision was narrow. The woman in the blue Saturn had pulled over, she leapt out of her car, balling tears hysterically, Oh my god! Oh my god! she sobbed, Are you okay? Oh my god! Yeah I guess I'm fine, I managed to say. James seemed a little shocked by what he had just seen; once he knew I was ok he began to laugh, damn fool, what the fuck was that? Surprisingly I was ok. The woman was still in a panic, Oh my god! Can I get you anything? do you need a ambulance? I am soo sorry! she wailed. But there was only one thing on my mind, Got any money? I asked casually. James laghed when I said that. Seriously lady though I'm fine don't worry about it really. Me and James took off and started walking down the hill. My right leg was swollen though so I hobbled the best I could, down the hill towards the store. Walking towards up the hill came an older couple, the man was bald, his wife was ugly like him. You fuckin imbucile! shouted the man as me and James approached, What the fuck is wrong with you? he barked. I guess he must have been driving by and saw me get hit; now he was all upset with me. Whatever man! I said to him. James was not having it though; What? fuck you! My friend just got hit by a car and you want to call him names? F U C K Y O U! shouted James, and got all up in his face,his clenched fists about to pummel this poor old man. Hey fuck it James, I said, Let's just go. And fuck you too buddy! I said to the old man and his wife. They stood there with their mouths open in disbelief and shock as we walked away; the woman in her car was all hysterical again after hearing our exchange with the old couple. I left the scene; no ambulance, no police, no firetrucks ever showed up, and James is doing hard time now and we have not spoke in years, so I often wonder if this really happened to me or if I imagined it. Even the scar I had on my leg from that nite is gone. I remember limpin away with James thinking: Damn! now I need some cut-up.